Mental Tool Box
“It's not about winning this month. It's going to be about not giving up and seeing different results 12 months from now. Then doing it again for another 12 months. Then another. Then you look around and everyone keeps asking you how you did it. When in reality it never *happened* - you just never stopped.”
Last night, the high school season came to an end with the CIF San Joaquin Section Final. It was quite a season, and I am most proud of the effort, drive, and mentality I put in, not just during the season but throughout the year. That's why emotions ran high for me last night. Although emotions should not solely be tied to the results of the match, it's hard to remember this in the moment and it will be hard over the next few days. To get through this rough patch, my mental tool box includes utilizing resources like past and current coaching staff and talking things out. One of the coaches I had a couple of years ago, who I know will always be there for me as a long life coach, mentor, and when older hopefully also a friend, said the following to me. “Sucks kiddo. I’m sorry. These moments aren’t great, but remember every moment is a learning moment, and there’s always something you can take away from it. Let me tell you, as you get older and the levels are higher, it doesn’t get easier. Use this moment to fuel you, and to be hungry at the start of the next season. You now know what it takes to get here. Having said that, also think about all you guys accomplished to get here. You may think I’m crazy now, but you’ll be stronger tomorrow because of this.”
I believe that athletes my age, especially, want validation for feeling the way we feel in that moment, that "sucks." That coach also knows me quite well and obviously has coached for years and yes it's important to remember I will only be stronger tomorrow for this. After all, as I have written before Failure is fuel.
The following are the second and third tools from my mental toolbox:
Firstly, I plan to pause and scale back from social media viewing for the next few days to allow myself to focus on what truly matters, which is reflecting on my own views on the loss and my performance.
Secondly, I woke up at 5:00am this morning and got back on the pitch. Although I had been battling with myself internally about this late last night Nd early this morning and tried to come up with justifications and excuses to take a day off, my mentality prevailed. If I had stayed home today, my focus would have been solely on the negatives. As hard as it was seeing my academy players at training and fearing the dreaded question, "how did finals go?" it is an important part of the process of moving forward.
Last night, I also utilized another technique from my mental tool box and allowed myself to vent for about 20 minutes. I typically vent to myself, but occasionally I reach out to my mom for support. During these conversations, I ask her to refrain from interjecting and simply listen while I express my feelings. This helps prevent any unresolved emotions from affecting me later on.
I know my focus has to be on the controllables, never stopping, and just learning and moving forward. I also believe it's important to surround yourself with the right people. Last night, as soon as I stopped venting, I had some of the best people around me. My former childhood softball coach, who still to this day is there in the stands at soccer games and was cheering me on. I had three of my club coaches, family, and friends, all ready with big hugs to share and to give valuable advice. So, I leave saying how important it is to create your own mental tool box so that in times like these, you don't let your confidence, self-worth, and self-concept be affected.
By Aubrey McLin