Switching Teams

For 4 years, from 2nd grade up until 6th, I played for a very successful Bay Area club team (by 5th grade, we got third in the top division in State Cup, and were nationally ranked), but I decided to leave to join another club.

I wanted to leave my successful team because my soccer development had reached a “glass ceiling” and because I was starting to lose my love of soccer.  My technical abilities had gotten very good, but our coach did not teach basic tactical strategies like passing combinations or even simple “plays.” Our coach also put tons of pressure on us to win. If we weren't perfect, he screamed and called us fat or slow. At 10 years old, my love for soccer should’ve been pure. Instead, I constantly found myself in tears after games, because my coach blamed me for something or told me he was “actively looking for my replacement.”  Given my emotional development then, I still felt selfish for just considering leaving my team. However, I had to look after my own development and mental health.  While leaving may hurt my team, the consequences of staying would hurt me.  At the end of the day, we all need to look after ourselves, and while it was difficult to understand this when I was 10, looking after ourselves doesn’t make us bad or selfish people.  

When tryout season began and I considered switching teams our whole team was going to leave together.  Then our coach slowly convinced players to stay by saying he was going to change his behavior. While I decided to switch, several teammates who committed to join the new team with me backed out at the last minute. I felt betrayed. Switching teams ruined close friendships, but I tried to look at the positives of switching. I was excited about my new coach and ready to learn new tactics and skills.  I focused on my close friends who were also joining the new team.  I looked forward to building friendships with new teammates.  Switching teams can and will affect friendships with teammates. However, it’s helpful to focus on the upsides instead. Try to separate your friendships from the drama that comes with switching teams.  In retrospect, I wish I had done a better job realizing that my former teammates weren’t betraying me - they were just making the best decision for them in a difficult situation.  I think that would have helped me maintain, rather than lose, some great friendships. 

During my decision to switch teams I constantly felt like I needed to please my old coach, my parents and my old teammates. So many people telling you what they think is best for you can create challenges to figure out what you want. My old coach treated me poorly for years, but I still felt guilty and never wanted to tell him I was leaving. I felt pressure from my parents, who wanted me to leave because they hated seeing me cry after my games. It was tough talking to my teammates because they were also trying to figure out what to do and were constantly shifting their opinions.  To address these dynamics, I talked to some of my school friends who weren’t directly involved in my soccer team. I also made sure that I communicated with my coach, parents, and teammates about what I was thinking, so they knew exactly how I was feeling along the way in my decision.