There’s no such thing as a superhero mentality
It is vital that student athletes start to be encouraged and taught to have open conversations involving self-confidence, self-worth, and mental health issues. There’s no such thing as a superhero mentality and the more we can be open and honest about this, real progress and development can be made. This brings me to a chain of events that forever changed my understanding of the importance of incorporating mental skills to every sports program’s curriculum.
The day after I received the news that a friend and fellow teammate had committed suicide, I was to compete at a keeperwars tournament. I made the decision to try to push through and attend this and at the time there were not a lot of conversations regarding the importance of mental health in student athletes.
Game Day
I arrived to the complex feeling a little conflicted regarding whether or not I should have attended. I had told myself if I couldn’t handle something like this how would I handle the pressures of things like college and being a student athlete or call ups for major athletic advancements. I also didn’t want to let anyone down by dropping out of the event. During this inner monologue, I never really considered what was really needed to take care of my whole self.
The first match of the day took place and I won, 1-10. I was feeling okay and honestly surprised by this and at the same time sad that I had successfully tricked myself into believing everything was okay. My second second match I won again, the score was 3-9. Then came my final two matches of the day. During match three, I started to notice that the numbness of being in utter shock of losing my friend was starting to wear off and I was struggling to convince myself I was doing okay. My eyes started to well up and it started to become difficult to compete. I had initially started with a big lead but suddenly the match was now tied. I somehow managed to win again, 5-8.
After the match, I walked over to my mom and allowed myself to cry a little. Then I happened to notice a girl who had also been crying because she had just lost her match. It also looked like she had an injured ankle because she was limping. I wiped my tears and immediately went over to talk to her. We hit it off and she was eventually smiling and laughing by the time I had to leave for my next match. I was feeling a little better, so continued on. I had again successfully, momentarily, buried my emotions and neglected to take care of myself.
Then match three started and for the first few minutes I had a pretty strong performance, however, once that first goal hit into my net, I was overwhelmed with emotion and I started to cry. I tried to tell myself, “be tough!” and desperately tried to stay composed. But slowly and surely my emotions spilled out and I was now playing the match as I was weeping and physically and emotionally shaking. I can’t imagine what my opponent and the bystanders were thinking. I had lost the match, 6-7. Although it seemed likely in the beginning of the tournament that I was likely to be a shoe-in for finals, I fell short during the semifinals.
Something incredible happened, a squad of fellow keepers came over and started to hug me. They had no idea that I had just lost a friend to suicide and were simply there because they saw a fellow player in need. They were okay and accepting of me displaying this vulnerability. They shared how much they all enjoyed watching me play during the day and over the last year of keeperwar events and how much they respected me. My performance didn’t matter to them, I was more than just a keeper to them. I was a human with emotions that needed support.
What I learned from this experience was how accepting others are and, of course, the importance of taking care of oneself. I should have never pushed myself to compete when I wasn’t emotionally ready. My mental health needs to be equally important as my physical health. I left the event to allow myself to start the grieving process. It was two weeks later I again received overwhelming news, Katie Meyer had also taken her own life.
Rewind to 19 weeks later and I had an article that was published entitled, “Coping with Loss and Mental Health in Youth Soccer,” I received the following message:
“You are amazing, Aubrey! I will never forget when I met you at Keeper Wars. I had sprained my ankle on day 1 and on day 2 I lost matches I shouldn't have and was in so much pain! You seriously gave me that "keeper love" I needed in my weakest emotional moment of defeat. Not only are you an AMAZING goalkeeper, an inspiration on a million platforms, but you are also an angel. You didn't know me and didn't have to talk to me. Instead you helped me wobble off the field while I was in tears and pain, held me while I cried but also sat and talked to me until I pushed through it. I've never shown
a stranger that I could be weak. But I did to you. And you were like a warm blanket to help cover it from everyone else so no one else knew. I will never forget what you did for me that day. You have all my love and support with ALL your future endeavors.”
Little does she know, I too was struggling. My “injury” wasn’t as visible as her sprained ankle that needed tape and some R.I.C.E! The heart of the matter is, we need to get to the point in sports where mental recovery and support is equal to physical recovery - they should go hand in hand. I was lucky that at this keeperwars tournament both were equally important to my fellow keepers.
Looking back to that keeperwars weekend, I realized that though it was challenging, it also taught me it was okay to let my guard down and frankly be “real.” By being real, I found I could start to grieve and process the loss of my friend and now Katie. That I could take time and heal. That being vulnerable is okay and that we all need to be supportive of one another. And lastly, how important it is that we teach youth athletes the importance of self worth, the importance of confidence, and how to handle the pressures of the sport. Sports programs have the opportunity to really make an impact in developing strong, healthy, whole players and I’m definitely on a mission to help change that.
Aubrey